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The Massachusetts Examiner
After laying low for the last few months, Coach Estey has now stepped forward in the “old man’s high jump” competition by clearing 5’9” in practice. Unbeknownst to the rest of the competition, Coach Estey has been in training for a year in anticipation of the contest. He recently admitted, “It really has been a lot of fun pretending I was a has-been. Every so often I even throw in a limp and talk about my Achilles.”

He continued, “I have discovered a new training process that I’ll be unveiling to the world this spring. I let Coach Feid in on it during the indoor season and as you can see the average jump on his team increased from 4’3 to 4’11 this year. I can’t wait to see the results of a full-year program”.

The increased waistline that coach Estey has been sporting this year had given the other competitors a false sense of security. Though close-mouthed about why, Estey mentioned that once his new training methods become public it will be evident that it is now an advantage to sport a wider girth.

Still unwilling to shed light on his new process, Estey finally gave a few hints. He was asked if there was any new equipment necessary to initiate this training. In a high pitched voice he answered, “You only need to buy two helium canisters but the weekly refills have been costly”.